Awhile back, my former roommate Brad pitched a race to me. It was called the Speedgoat 50k and he suggested we should run it together. Like the dumbass I am, I signed up for it, and then looked into it…
Unstuck
Curiosity Through The Nightmare
Well, it happened. Or perhaps, a better way to phrase it would be to say, I’ve found the rising action of the crescendo I have long feared and known was coming. Because, really, it's not a singular thing that happened, but rather more of a progressive “happening;” an eventuality that manifested its potential some time ago is now taking shape…
A Beautiful Letdown
A Day Beyond Depression
A week ago, I experienced a full day with absolutely no depressive symptoms. It was the first time that happened since late April or early May of this year. From about the middle of May, the onset of a depressive episode crept up on me, and a few exacerbating factors plunged me into mental health crisis the likes of which I had never before seen…
Speaking My Language
Suicidal (Pt. II)
Note: This is a stand-alone piece, but is also a continuation and elaboration on topics discussed in a prior post. Additionally, though the title likely implies as much, here’s a content warning for what will follow: discussion of suicide, self-harm, and depression.
Difference Over Deficits
We're a few days into 2023 and, while I'm quite aware that there's no cosmic significance to the flipping calendar pages beyond that which is inherent in the mere passage of time itself, there's just something about a new year that really fuels a rare optimistic spirit that inhabits my body for about a month…
The Most Wonderful Time of the Year
Ah the holiday season. That lovely time of year full of joy and good will toward—yeah, no. What for many is the most wonderful time of year is, for me, a lower level of hell. Truly, no recurrent block of time could be worse for me in virtually every way, starting with the obvious: it's dark and cold; always dark, always cold…
Beginner's Mind
Born Old
Honoring Limitations
n years gone by, I held this belief that my only limitations were those I willingly accepted. I believed that I was morally culpable for any shortcoming in productivity or output, no matter how arbitrary the metric or context. I would fail to live up to lofty expectations I placed on myself and believe it was due to personal defect…
Two Goals and a Coincidence
Well, here we are. Three months ago, I broke. I fell completely to pieces. It was inevitable. I was and have been on a collision course with Autistic burnout my entire life. It was quite literally bound to happen sooner or later. In May, the wheels were set irrevocably in motion, and in June, it all came crashing down…
Suicidal; or, Postponement is not Prevention
I want to lead off with a trigger and content warning. What follows is a frank discussion of suicidal ideation, depression, and both of these will be addressed with as much honesty and bluntness as I can manage. Do not read on if you are not in the right headspace to engage with such information; feel free to come back later, or not at all.
